Trapped in this Box

trapped in a box.
fortunate enough to have even been given small air holes that in actuality serve as peep holes.
peeping through the empty spaces between these rusted bars. afraid and scarred
you'd have thought i'd have ran miles and miles far
on my broken, yet still spinning, crooked, squeaky wheel...
or just as i look through the concave glass, i see someone staring straight back at me.
i ignore her swollen, tired eyes and try to stare past to the other side.
i see movement and activity, laughter that isn't followed by pain and disaster.
only after, do i realize that following the wall is the useless answer,
'cause i'm stuck in this lonely, small lid-opened glass ball.
defying physics, so pathetic, i attempt to try anything at all.
hoping for a shatter, even a crack, i face the wall head on...
so close, yet so far. in the dark. so untouchable, i only stare beyond the stars in wonder.
i wonder, is there more to this thing called 'life' than the cuffs that lock
my wrists and arms to this hard chair, and the stuffed sock
in my mouth that's been sealed shut with duct tape so stuck,
in this cold and empty box?
i go where you go. 'cause i feel the shock
that resounds from my neck to the tips of my toes as i try to go my way,
as i try to be expressive, suggestive, emotionally indicative.
'cause this long, extensive leash of mine is sometimes deceiving,
having me believing that i can run wild and wide in the open field that smiles
and tempts me. but every time i try, i feel a strong pull at my neck from behind that jerks my whole body back and stops me.
i try time and time again, hoping with all my might that the next time will be different.
but i disappoint myself, discovering life's dishonesty.
feelings of optimism fade as pessimism waves take over quietly.
with nothing, no one and no where to run to,
i look to the heavens above, so clouded and convoluted like my mind,
i open my mouth although nothing comes out, i scream the words silently,
"LORD, HELP ME."

written July 28, 2008